(EDITED 24 Nov 23).
If you think this was an accident. If you think what is happening in your life is by accident. You had nothing to do with it because of your thinking and what you kept in your heart, mind, and soul. Think again. We become what we believe, we become what we think about most. Those who think of violence. Violence will come to them, even this very day. To those who think about love, love in abundance will come.
For the faithless, who jeer at others….you can expect nothing from God too. That is why I always ask God to bless good people, to give them what they truly deserve and more. To bless and not curse. Even my enemies I always ask God to give them only what they deserve and more.
We manifest everything.
I didn’t plan my life out in detail. Meeting King, falling in love, becoming his partner and great love. I only prayed to God for a great love like his, in human form.
I prayed for abundance like God’s, ever-flowing.
I prayed for health and happiness and a home full of family and those I love around.
Then I prayed to the world that all this hurt each other for no reason, hurting ourselves for no reason would stop.
My last prayer may take a long time. That’s in God’s hands like everything.
What I have seen since my time online advocating for King is this. Every truly good, kind, and noble person online has a great number of narcissists around their channels and pages, trying to make them doubt themselves and all that they are. Picking at them, jeering at them, and criticising endlessly what they do.
These people are always around even the most pure in spirit and heart. It made me realise that the problem was not just mine, but they were facing it too. So many of them spoke of wanting to give up their place online. Their channels in the millions just because the heavy negative energy made them feel like they could not go on. Some of you are beyond help; even God can’t reach you. You have practised such negative and evil thinking about life, others, and yourselves that you are in the habit now. It has become who you are.
So you come online to take out your misery, failings, unhappiness, and self-destruction onto those you perceive to have a life they don’t deserve. A life you deserve instead.
You see others come against another and you join in for fun. Then sign out and wonder why there is misery in your life, loneliness, and lack.
Then there are those who have made their living, small fame, and collected followers from stepping on others. From demeaning others to slandering others. Yet they will claim publicly that God is blessing their lives. Some don’t even bother with this because they realize how many people love it when they speak ill of others, when they make fun of others when they abuse others.
These people only prosper for a time.
Then there are people like King, who the world looks at as disgraced and damned. Once again they don’t have the depth of wisdom and spiritual depth to understand the complexity of God and human life under this umbrella of the universe. You can think God is bringing justice, destroying him justly. When all along God was refining him or her for something far greater than even man can comprehend. In King’s case, I know God saw his heart, saw his life, saw what he could achieve, and gave him a dream far above others to not rule but to serve with his gift. But there was an imbalance there that needed to be made whole and to be healed and understood. There were people around that were not a vibrational match to where King was going. There were people hanging on for dear life, hanging onto him and his earned abundance and success as though it were theirs and their reward. God said ENOUGH!! ENOUGH NOW!! But King didn’t hear when God said remove this person and do not let them back into your life or around you again. He was trying to give these people another chance after chance after chance. Forgiving endlessly, giving grace and showing patience where most people would not. He understood they were from poor backgrounds with nothing. He once had nothing and saw himself in each of them. God had to take him away because they wouldn’t go, and King found it impossible to make them leave without facing issues of rejection, revenge, and lawsuits. So, God took him away and locked him up. This may be hard for people to comprehend. It’s even excruciating for me to write and express. Because the last place on earth I ever wanted my love to be was in a place with evil people who committed evil against others (real hard criminals). To be treated like a slave, a hostage daily. Unable to be free to leave and move or do what he wanted. It tortured my heart endlessly, endlessly, like a pain I had never known. Like it was me inside there. Sometimes I would even wish that I could take his place for a time so he could have a break, rest, and renew. It was his knowledge and mine that he was so deeply innocent that made the pain so intense. But that is what these criminals wanted. To inflict pain, because of their pain that they blamed him for but in fact was there long before they ever met him or knew him. They just were looking for a scapegoat, an easy target where they could profit. King is so kind-hearted, but also his life is full of all the wrong people and losing himself in a world full of music, women, alcohol, and parties. I believe made him an easy target. He also never kept himself separate from the people. He tried to stay humble and remember where he came from. To be around his people, he called them “my people.” But it was a huge mistake because they could not be around him without seeing his fame and money, and what he could do for them. Not all but almost every single one.
There was no other way now I see, not for King to be safe from these people who threatened him day and night. When one left another came using trickery and deceit. Promising to help and not hurt, using any connection, any means, any false promise, anything in their bag of tricks. Charm yes, academia absolutely! Promising that they were honest and good and caring when they were empty charlatans or sociopaths, even psychopaths. Because no matter where King went these human demons would follow. They stalked his life for years and years and years. He became their life and even to some, their reason to live. There was no other way to heal King from his past. If so, God would have used that, I believe. No other way to show King who these people were. There was no other way for God to protect him but to put him in a “safe place” (which wasn’t safe at all), but was ironically safer than outside in the world for him. At least he had guards 24 hours a day. People read his mail and listened to every call, so no one could accuse him falsely anymore. Oh, but they did! (This I will also explain in our interview of our book). At least most could not reach him, contact him, torture him with threats or attempts to manipulate him, but some still found a way, accusing him remotely of deeds by strangers. A mentally unwell man, with a grudge against one father, set their car on fire. So, that was blamed on King. It was unbelievable how far the truth could be stretched to connect King to all these frauds and criminals. Some he did not even know—a story for later.
If you can’t see this, that this was God protecting him through this injustice, you don’t know King, and you don’t know God. This was God’s way to heal him, keep them away, and give King time to really think, to detox from his past life.
For some, prison will be their home for life because they cannot heal outside of the world. They are bent on doing harm to others or lack the wisdom to change. For some others, because of injustice, a mistake, or an error, prison can be like a spiritual hospital.
For others like King, prison is like a hospital of horrors, where deep healing takes place. It can be extremely painful, fearing for your life daily. But overall, it is God protecting, healing, speaking, guiding, and making the soil right on the outside—fertile and enriched with new soil to plant new seeds for a new life. As you are forced to face the evil in the world and decide “no more for me.” No more.
So, God will use other people’s evil to heal the good ones that can be saved and healed, never giving up on anyone.
But we, who are human, are not called to be God. We will never be able to love the wretched ones back to health or back to who they really are. We don’t have the capacity, wisdom, patience, or foresight in any form. We are nothing but vessels for love.
In a small way, that was what King was trying to do. To be like Jesus, to help others in any way he could.
I cannot type this without acknowledging that in his years of success, King lost his balance, lost a part of his spiritual self by being around evil people who indulged in evil things, not of God. The smoking, what he ate, who he spent time with (women who didn’t care for their bodies or anyone else’s). He was in the company mostly of frauds, fakes, and charlatans.
This isn’t anything King has not said in his way. But recently, I told him, “My love… you share too much, be careful. People don’t care out here. They pretend so they can grow their channels and numbers. But no one follows through, follows up, or demands justice for you. Those you have shared with all want something, just like the others in the past. Some even spoke ill of you. Don’t trust any of them, and please, my love, do not share anymore. They don’t understand, and they don’t care. I know it hurts, but that is the truth. Wait, and we will tell the story. I will help you and make sure you won’t be betrayed again or misunderstood.” So, he stopped interviewing people. He stopped calling and emailing people to tell his story.
King, for most of his career, was trying to be someone else that others wanted him to be. RKelly was created by the world of music he was part of. They loved it and ate him up for the endless number of women who wanted him. Men admired him; women wanted him. As one woman once said, “every woman wanted Robert.” But at what cost to him was all this? What cost to his soul? When times changed, suddenly the person the public adored became hated for everything they had wanted him to be. King didn’t start out saying, “I want to get into music for the women.” But he saw that this was part of that life, and every musician was living this rockstar life with groupies and many lovers. It was everywhere in every country where there was music, performers, and art. He was just one of them until he wasn’t because even as he grew older, the women still flocked, stalked, and harassed him to be with them. While others grew older and became obsolete, he was still the Robert that all the women wanted. But this conflicted with a new generation of women and men who despised all the past, despised and resented the values of the past. Social justice was everything to this new generation, and it meant to them that some people needed to be “sacrificed” for the benefit of the whole. Powerful men like King, who after 30 years had gained a lot of love but also a lot of false rumours, were easy targets for these social justice mobs. He was easy for these groups to target in their rage, hysteria, and need for blood.
When I met him, he had already come to the realisation that he wanted something different. He was single and very much alone despite being surrounded by women who were all in love with him, young and older. He was so used to the admiration that he didn’t pay it any mind. He would even deny to himself how much he was craved by an endless number of women, some he didn’t even know. But as he was now older and wiser, richer in experience, I believe it had all become too much for him. The attention and admiration were no longer flattering. He had changed with the times, but no one knew this. They were stuck in the past, obsessively stuck in stories they heard from a small number of documented stalkers and enemies. Especially the story of King and Aaliyah. This is a story I have covered in one of my videos. I won’t talk about it again until I sit down with him, and you can hear it from the horse’s mouth. But things are never what you see, hear, or think when it comes to celebrities. It’s a complicated web that most regular people cannot even comprehend.
When I met King, he was done with it all. There were too many people, too many men wanted his life, too many women wanted him. Too many hated him because of these things, and the hate of a few was able to be doubled and tripled and grew into an outcry very fast because an unscrupulous woman decided to make an opportunity for herself in these lies. To find these haters and make a documentary and call it “Surviving RKelly.” This was her path to fame after being a nobody. With MeToo growing in interest, with women’s self-care, self-love, and safety becoming increasingly important socially, especially black women, with abuse being spoken about openly for the first time in many years, some people saw it as revolutionary and much needed, while the criminals and sociopaths saw endless opportunity for wealth and revenge. When MeToo said “believe all women,” that was it. That was the call to action that they needed. It empowered criminals and sociopaths on all levels to take revenge and seek financial reward, claiming things that never happened. Those who were honest really suffered abuse; no one will ever know the difference now because these criminals took their stories and their place. But MeToo empowered them by recklessly convincing the public that the way forward was to believe them all. Imagine a world where all women were actually honest or even all men. I would wish for such a utopia. But it’s a fantasy and not at all reality. They hedged their campaign on a vision of reality where all women were honest and possible victims just waiting to tell their stories. Some who never even suffered any real abuse even found stories that they could share with a willing media outlet. As a strong black woman, I was ashamed to be a woman for the first time in my life. After years and years of being an advocate for feminism, God had opened my eyes to just how quickly things can change for the worse. I used to dream of a world with more female rulers. Now God had shown me that it was never the solution to a world that was unbalanced by patriarchy. It never was. For the women in countries where their rights are taken away and they feel powerless, there is a desperate need for advocacy (but rarely do they find any). Feminism has become, to me, a weapon to use against men for many women and even men. For some women, it is a place to hide their hatred toward men. I have never felt that women were better, more important, or to be protected more than men. I have always felt that we were all important to God and needed protection in different ways. For men, they need to be protected by those more powerful in government positions because they already have social and physical power in most cases (not all). It’s the laws that need to protect men, especially strong men and men who may not be the modern reflection of what this generation sees as healthy masculinity but are, to others of other generations, vital to the health and balance, security, and stability of the world. We cannot ask men to be like women, to be soft like a woman, to think like women, to exist in a world where their masculinity that protects us and supports so many of us is intolerable now. I cannot live happily in a world where my brothers are seen as problematic because they are who they are, exactly who they are specifically meant to be, as God made them. Beautifully and perfectly made in his image. Representing the divine masculine energy that is becoming lost in a world bent on making everything feminine. Just the same as I would not want for women to be required to be men in order to survive. If we continue to ask, no force men to be like women, women will naturally need to be like men to make up for this, as so many single mothers know. To be forced to be a man when you are divinely a woman and proud of it. To have to be strong like a man in this world is something that breaks so many women. They cannot hold space for such demands, mentally, emotionally, financially, or even physically.
I cannot say enough about how important it is to protect men and the masculine in them. (Of course, not all men are good. But most are). To appreciate it, not demonise it or feel fear of it. Because we all needed a strong present father figure to grow up balanced within ourselves. Women look to their fathers in how to interact with men in the world, how to understand men in the world, and even how to have healthy relationships with men. Men look to their fathers for the same, but also how to be a man in this world. Granted, so many don’t have healthy-minded father figures. Some fathers are not present because they don’t want to be; some are abusive (not just a commanding presence perceived by some as wrong). Then there are those who are pushed out of their children’s lives by a resentful, spiteful ex. But perhaps when we are done falsely accusing men, we can focus instead on that.
I uphold the grassroots advocates for abuse of all people who are not looking for fame or to attack famous men to make a spectacle of them, using them as the “sacrificial lambs for the greater good.” I uphold those who are going after real abusers of children and real traffickers of women, children, and people around the world. That work is so important. No one will ever know their names because they are not in this for fame or to win an award or the attention of the public. They are really trying to save lives and have done so many times. What did MeToo and TimesUp really do for those nameless brown and black women in real abusive relationships, who are dying daily? Their faces are plastered all over the news networks in America but also Africa and India. How are they educating black women on how to have healthy relationships and choose better partners, and how to prevent such horrendous attacks on their lives? Where are the programs in schools for girls and boys to understand abuse in their homes, schools, and places of prayer? To know where to go, how to report it, and who to trust. I ask, what did they do? What did they really do? I honestly don’t understand. Or was it just the famous ones who needed to be watched and looked at, and those wanting fame supported and believed? I need to know what they did for them. As for Mute RKelly, could there ever be a greater reason to give up feminism completely and instead fight for the rights of all to live in safety, harmony, and without a threat to their livelihood, their well-earned achievements, freedom, or life? They are, to me, the result of a world gone mad with hate and fear. Completely devoid of humanity, humility, empathy, and righteousness, yet claiming to be good.
This is probably my most revealing post about King. I know he would not mind me saying this; it will give people context and an understanding. But this isn’t even me going deep enough. I will go even deeper into his world before me and when he met me, in our book.
King is humble enough to know when he has made mistakes when he has not lived up to what God wished for him to be. He has always admitted it; in his last book, it was written with such love and humility. He never once made himself a victim or even made excuses. He just expressed his regret at the women he had hurt in some instances.
Narcissists can’t even comprehend such actions, and those who despise him for no reason (only public outrage for false stories). They can’t accept that this is him. They need him to be the monster they created in their minds to feel justified for the hate and evil that lives inside their hearts and is expressed in hurting the life of a good, beautiful, and strong black man.
People may think I came from nowhere. But I was manifested and asked for in prayer by King. As he was for me.
God brought us together at just the perfect time. If I had not known him before all of this blew up. It took months to just be his friend and just to know him. I would not be able to explain him to others and even sometimes to himself.
The timing was perfect, even though hell broke loose not long after. I think 6 months after from memory.
I knew that I came into his life for a divine reason at that exact time. That somehow he was not going to make it through this without my support, help, and most of all love. I promised him that I would not leave him. He never asked me for this. But my heart knew what to do. It never felt so compelled.
I knew we were destined, planned, prayed for, divinely created, divinely answered. I knew without a doubt that King and I would make it through and be together. That the truth would come out.
Sometimes my faith has been more than his. Sometimes I have had to call him higher in his faith in God. Sometimes I have had to be the one to tell my love the hard truth. Mostly, though, I know I was called to love him deeper than any other, to help him heal as he does me. But also, sometimes, let me just say my faith has been nowhere to be seen. Some days I was just hanging on to God in prayer and tears. Just getting through that day or that hour. Because imagining him where he was alone, a King. The most magical and magnificent person I had ever known. The most beautiful and loving…it just broke him some days. I couldn’t understand how such evil people could exist and have no heart, soul, or concern for any life. It was incomprehensible. It was painful to contemplate.
Some people along the way have asked me. But what are you getting out of this for yourself? Because they only see me doing for him. My answer is, it was never all about me. I never decided to love him and never fell in love with him for what he could give me that was earthly and superficial. I wanted his love. I wanted his heart. I wanted what he had never given to another (a part of his soul). I wanted this great love I had prayed for day and night for years, and waited patiently for. I wanted to fulfil our earth’s purpose. To become the full measure of God’s dream and our dream. I wanted King to be safe always, to be protected always, to be surrounded by love always. To never know that kind of pain again.
I wanted King and I both to heal from our past lives and to be able to, in turn, be a refuge for people near and far. To know that “anyone can heal.”
I won’t even speak of how we met. It is too magical for people to comprehend. I promise you that the story is beyond anything I have ever experienced or would experience in this life. Too beyond this world and what people see and know. If people cannot even accept basic reality when it comes to King and me. To accept that we are, in fact, a real and strong, monogamous couple of almost 5 years, they won’t ever be able to comprehend how two people from two sides of the world can be brought together at exactly the right time. How even without words, they knew something else was going on beyond their human eyes and ears. Beyond what even they could comprehend. I won’t ever tell that story because the world is not ready and I don’t think it will ever be. Sorry, it’s not clickbait. There is so much more to our meeting that I can share that I never have. The rest, I promise, will be in our book. Maybe not the meeting. Maybe that will always be between King, myself, and God.
But I can tell you what I first said to King. My very first words were “anyone can heal.” I didn’t even know fully why I said that… I later found out though the depth of this and how much it would mean.
I only ever share my side of the story because I want to leave room for him.
I only have my perception, my thoughts, my feelings.
But what I can tell you is this about Kings. When he fell in love with me, it was more clear to him than it was to me. They say men always know who they want and who they don’t want to be with almost instantly. But it takes women a minute to figure out what is going on. He had no idea how I would ever be with him, if I could be with him if I would ever consider him. I was not giving him any indication, any hope, or any reason to believe that anything would ever happen because that is where I was. Even though I saw the full depth of his heart, mind, and soul and started to know that. He was still #RKelly, the R&B King. The man of many lovers. I was never in my life going to plan to be with a star let alone a star of his level, and he knew this about me. He knew I was so different from all the women he had ever known, all the people.
He never one time pushed, or tried anything… he just allowed it to be what it was, a beautiful, pure, powerful, and delicious friendship. We had no secrets; it was impossible because we could see right into each other’s souls. We were soulmates from before one word was spoken. It wasn’t love at first sight, though I know my love is the most handsome and sexy man on this planet, to me. But I was never dazzled by such. It was deep, deep love at first knowing.
So anything that was there was laid bare. It helped a little too that I was psychic (yes, this taboo side of me that is my God-given gift; a story for another time). Sometimes I would just know what he was thinking. Often we would say something that I was thinking. I would hear him say it. Sometimes I would be thinking something, and his song would come on and play a song that would say the exact thing I was thinking at that moment. These are things I can never explain. But it was like meeting my twin. Like we were separated at birth and by 10 years. But for some reason, this man’s heart and soul were exactly like mine.
But this story is really about King’s faith. I even told him it would never happen with us, could never happen, but I wanted to be his friend for life, whatever that meant. I never wanted him not there in my life. I wanted to be there to help him as a friend and to love him purely as a friend. Of course, to a man like King, it was insanity; I knew he was thinking “how is this going to work…”
His feelings for me were so clear, deep, and pure that he accepted this unbearable situation. Unbearable because he knew I was falling in love. He knew something greater was there. Something spiritual was shifting and moving things in place that both of us knew little to understand. But he just allowed it to be. This was everything to me and in a way I was testing him to see if he truly had love for me. If he would stick around and care even though there was no hope for a relationship.
There came a time, months after those first words, that I could no longer pretend, I could no longer be his friend. When I thought about him with someone else. We had done so much healing work together; I wanted him to be with a woman who was worthy of him. He had died to so many things of his past. There was hope when outside his world as he knew it was crumbling down. It was a direct reflection of the changes inside him, the changes in his heart and life.
Because anytime we “upgrade” our life, we heal and move forward in a new direction. The old must leave, and it can be devastating. God removes everything not in alignment. Everyone is not on the same wavelength and tries to keep them eternally out.
I’ve told the story of why Azriel Clary “flipped” in my videos on The RJ RKelly Podcast channel.
King tried two times to send them away from him, to stop their dependency on him financially and in other ways. To cut them off amicably where he would not hurt them or harm their life (he truly deeply cared for their well-being). He really tried, but their dependency on him financially and even emotionally had become too great. They wanted him to pay them for nothing. They wanted desperately to be his girlfriends, secretly in love with him, working as interns when he didn’t want that at all. Now, with King and me blossoming, it became more important for them to move on and go home or at least go somewhere else.
But their life experience was so poor that they didn’t even know how to find an apartment for themselves, a job, or anything without his help. King also did not have a team anymore to help them. It was an incredibly traumatic situation for him not to be able to be the protector of women that he really was. To be falsely accused of being deviant for wanting to help so many women without wanting anything in return.
King was incarcerated but still trying to help them find a place to live (imagine). Meanwhile, so much was going down with his cases. Greenboug was motioning for him to be released home and desperate to prove himself as a lawyer (I believe). King was desperate to come home to be free to earn some money to support his defence and also be able to collect support for his cause. But Greenbourg’s strategy was to place these women in King’s condo alone and present them as his living girlfriends after we had sent them off home, and they were gone for months. We thought it was done and dusted and we would not have to deal with them again. But they wanted to go back to King paying them money, but this time not for work but to sit on their butts and do nothing. They wanted to play his girlfriends according to the public and use the situation even to manipulate King into looking after them. Because what choice would he have with the constant threat of his freedom and life? If even one false accusation popped out. Azriel was the most volatile. She became demanding of King; she became completely unhinged by the contradiction the situation created. Because on one side because of Greenbourg, the world believed she was one of his girlfriends. They were applauding her for “sticking by her man.” But in private, he was cold, and uninterested, and nothing at all was happening. He rejected her completely as he had always done. But now it was especially embarrassing for her because the public knew how she felt. This is what I believe unhinged her. That Greenbourg and the other attorneys made these statements to the public, pushing these women into King’s private life, into his home. Forcing them on him into a situation he wasn’t prepared for. He has never been a fake person. He is known for his realness, so this was incredibly hard, impossible, and embarrassing for him. Now they were also added to his visitation because King had no choice by then. Greenbourg had put in motion after motion referring to them as his living long-term girlfriends. Motions to dismiss Azriel’s charges based on that. Eventually one was in for King’s bond with Joycelyn Savage named as the girlfriend who he would be forced to be on home confinement. At this stage, King had not even seen her for many, many months despite her living in his condo. The visitation was in Azriel Clary’s name, because of the misrepresentation and Azriel Clary being placed on the New York indictment. Her state of mind depended on whether King did everything she asked, including… yes, have sex with her (more about those letters later). King, of course, refused everything. He was 100% committed to me, to us. We were trying to work through it all step by step. But her volatile nature, her emotional immaturity, and her sociopathic, erotomaniac dreams of King lead her to turn instantly AFTER I COMMUNICATED WITH HER ABOUT KING AND I.
I knew it was a grave risk. But I could not let King have to live under the stress and pressure to be her “pretend” boyfriend just because she was manipulating a very serious situation for her benefit and because she was so volatile. She has expressed that he manipulated her. He was trying desperately to take away any hope from her of a relationship but at the same time keep her calm and somewhat without resentment about it. AN IMPOSSIBLE SITUATION for him under conditions where the government was using anything and everything to get him. Good things were twisted in motions, he was being painted as a mob, sex trafficker. It was almost like the most incredible mistake possible. Because he was a musician, singer, and songwriter known to have hazards of stalkers and obsessed women. Everything was twisted to mean something deviant or bad BY HIM, not others. Everything was twisted and not as it was. It was all untrue, unjust, and insincere because the stories were fabricated on top of all that. No one even seemed sane at all for thinking these things of him.
The Joycleyn Savage emails King sent were at the time Greenbourg had placed her on motions as his girlfriend whom he could live with ALONE if the judge allowed. But imagine there was COVID-19 KILLING prisoners in NY and Chicago, in the 10s and close to into the hundred’s I believe. King is also receiving news that he may be diabetic (as a result of eating only prison food, the stress and the situation), and so extremely vulnerable to catching it and dying. His trial is nearing. His bank account was blocked from him, but Greenbourg gives him this one option to be on house arrest with Jocelyn Savage which could save him from it all. I of course as explained was stuck in Australia on lockdown with the borders 100% closed. So I could not get to him unless I had government permission. Which I didn’t. So that was the situation that led King to feel a need to pretend with JS in emails that something was there. When he had not even seen her in many months and was completely disinterested. He was also diagnosed fairly with CPTSD (Chronic post-traumatic stress disorder). If people don’t understand that this can lead to extreme anxiety and panic, especially in such a situation. He was under daily threat of life; he was being prosecuted for things he never did and never would dream of in any lifetime, nor have the character to do. He was pressured by his attorneys’ lies to concede (even though in the end he managed (with my support) to get Greebourg to remove her name on his last bond motion request. He had been under inhumane levels of pressure and stress. I prayed so hard for him those days, for his life. No one can understand how scared we both really were, though we tried to be strong. Chronic PTSD is what soldiers suffer when coming back from war. That’s how bad it is. No one cared though or understood this. This has also led to some of the interviews King has undertaken despite my strong advice not to. We will discuss this in our interview and the book of course.
King did not expect anyone to see those emails. I know he feels extremely embarrassed by them and humiliated because they were not real and undertaken at a time when he was extremely vulnerable and not in his right mind at all. The content was not real or anything he felt. He was presented in his mind with no other option. In his mind, if he did not go home, he would die there in prison OR lose the trials and still die there in prison from the loss. So imagine for a moment that you have CPTSD and the option your attorney presents you with is to live with a woman you have never lived with, been with, barely know, don’t have a relationship with, and who is also a possible next false accuser (with her parents on her case to become another liar like them). Imagine for a minute that your calls and letters are all watched by the government who could accuse YOU of being the liar and conniving one, who was controlling Joycelyn Savage to do that. Not that she was so in love with him (unrequitedly) so much so that when the attorneys lied about her being his girlfriend, she jumped at the chance to pretend in the hopes that one day it may come true. Additionally, I believe it was guilt on her part for having led her parents and family to believe something was going on when it wasn’t, which led to Surviving RKelly and then his arrest. This is something to be discussed more in our interview and our book. But she was the conniving one lying to people behind his back, making them believe things that never happened, just like Azriel Clary. All because they were in love with him and even the pretence was better than nothing….at least for a while. Imagine all this, and then you will understand why he wrote those emails pretending that something had been there. It was all survival and none of it was his fault.
King is humiliated by it. Extremely regretful. Especially because it led to nothing but shame, embarrassment, and pain and discomfort for me to be accused of being a fraud. All because other people needed to try to control his life.
To be continued …..
Lady J XX
RJ Chicago 
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